Gaybros

Alex DeLuca is the founder of Gaybros. The following quote is taken from the 0:40 mark of the video above:

You know, I think over the course of the past decade or so, being gay or bisexual has become increasingly more acceptable. But the challenge is that, it has done so with a very narrow definition of what being gay is. So for guys like myself, who like sports and Xbox and paintball, they don’t really fit this definition. And I think a lot of young men out there, are afraid to accept who they really are, because they feel like if they do they’ll have to change. When the reality is, they don’t. And that was really the driving force behind the creation of Gaybros.

I first came across the term ‘gaybros’ in the comment section of a post in Towleroad, probably about a month or so ago. Unfortunately I didn’t think to save it, and I can’t find it now. I guess the term was brought up with regards to the person discussed in the post, but I do remember the commenter also remarking that ‘gaybros’ had yet to be featured or discussed in Towleroad.

My curiosity was piqued, quickly turned to fascination, and as I read them and about them more and more, to admiration. And a bit of envy. I could have really used such a support group when I was in my teens and early twenties. I’m glad for the members of this group that they have one another, and I hope the movement and community will continue to grow and eventually spread beyond the United States and Canada to the rest of the world.

What is it?

‘Gaybros’ is a interests group founded in January 2012 by 23-year-old Alex DeLuca who lives in Boston and works in social media marketing and PR. Alex launched the group on Reddit, a social news site where registered users submit content, and other users can then vote on the submission to determine its ranking position on the site’s pages and front page. Content entries are organized by areas of interest called “subreddits”. ‘Gaybros’ is such a subgroup. From their ‘about us‘ section on Reddit:

Gaybros is an online men’s interest community that aims to build a brotherhood around shared interests, promote self acceptance, and bring people together. We talk about, well, guy stuff. Sports, cars, video games, military issues, working out, gadgets, gear and more.

They have 27,259 subscribers at my last visit today. I think most are young, college-age and other men in their twenties. About 75% of their members are between 18-35. Within a year they attracted over 200,000 unique monthly visitors and 2 million monthly page views. As of May this year, the figures are 350,000 and 3.5 million, respectively.

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They have gatherings in various American cities as well as Toronto, Canada. Photo of a meetup in Boston by Alex DeLuca. From Buzzfeed. Click to go there.

What makes a gaybro?

In his e-mail interview with Buzzfeed, which was my first source learning about gaybros, Alex explained:

Gaybros gather around traditionally masculine or male interests, but more than that a Gaybro is someone who doesn’t fit the narrow definition of what “gay” means as promoted by popular culture. In our group we have athletes, tradesmen, Soldiers, farmers, and everything in between. What brings us all together is our desire to promote self acceptance and building an inclusive and supportive community where people are free to be themselves.

A list of ‘rules’ on their Reddit page includes one that suggests not to bother asking what a gaybro is, as “no single answer can satisfy the question.” Probably a wise move, considering the accusations they received that they hate and exclude effeminate gays, and are divisive to the gay community. They probably got fed-up of trying to pacify the unhappy and insecure detractors who for whatever crazy reason, choose to take the interests of other people as an affront. If anyone is interested enough to know what is a gaybro, or care enough to make remarks about them, he or she should just read and follow their Reddit to directly learn more about them.

Allegations of being against effeminate gays.

To me, this is ridiculous. They welcome all, including men who identify themselves as effeminate and even women. Spend some time reading their Reddit and realise the community is obviously about interests, not mannerisms.

From the Gaybros’ FAQ page:

… Some of us actually prefer them as partners due to the interesting juxtaposition of personalities and characteristics. We may not be effeminate ourselves (though some of us may be), but that doesn’t mean we think any less of those who are.

Sometimes people think a distaste of shallow and/or bitchy people who happen to be effeminate is a distaste of effeminate people, but that is an incorrect generalization. More masculine guys can be just as shallow or bitchy, it is not a result of ones masculine or feminine characteristics.

That is so sensible and true. Give me a flaming fairy too as a friend anytime, all bitchy and fabulous and breathing out snark like a dragon exhaling fire. At least with them its what-you-see-is-what-you-get. I’ve met way too many masculine guys, whether the yuppy professional type or the gym rat, who at first seemed so decent and cool, but at the first sign of displeasure, can be so vicious and queeny in their own way. Ugh.

Related articles

And below is a discussion by The Young Turks. Cenk Uygur is not there but Ana Kasparian is. I love those two. They are such compelling presenters. I’m always interested in what they have to say. And the Dave Rubin guy is hot. He makes me think of a younger Bill Paxton.

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